im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
