just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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