I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
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Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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