I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
