by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
