Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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