i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
