Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
