Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
