but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
