Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
