She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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