as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
