Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
