But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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