Girls should come with a carfax report
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
