I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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