What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
