I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
