The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
