Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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