it hurts more in the daytime
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
