i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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