Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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