Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
