Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
