I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize