I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
