I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
dude. I can hear the air.
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