Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
