Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
