Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
