You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My dick has a subreddit
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
