I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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