party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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