so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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