i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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