After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
