We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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