Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize