Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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