I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You made out with two different species that night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
