just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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