I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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