o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
