She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
