Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
