ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize