I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
