Duck Duck Cougar?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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