found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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