lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
