your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
