i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think my moral compass just broke
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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