saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
