glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
