So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
