i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
