Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
