why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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