you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
