you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
