There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
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i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
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It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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