My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
