so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
