whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
