Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
