there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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