remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
