EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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