Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
A bitchslap is in order.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
