some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You don't make any sense
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