Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
