I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
