did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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