nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just threw up on my dentist
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
