I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How does it feel to date your dad?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
